Recollect
by Makkura Arashi
Summary: I looked at the red haired man...wait the boy didnt have red hair..but those eyes, those intense eyes, i'd know them any where. ok tat loses his memory and you'll have to read more to find out. TR YS TM
1. Chapter 1

Diclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of the characters! i wish i did...i wish Maki Murakami-sama could give them to me...ok out of dream world now!

Chapter 1: TheBeginning

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(Tatsuha's P.O.V)

I was bored. I wondered what to do. By bike wasn't working and I had nothing else to do, all my temple chores being done. School was closed for the holidays…am I so bored that I'm wishing for _homework_? I picked up the newspaper and read through the railway and plane time tables. I could go to Tokyo and bug the life out of my siblings…that seemed like a good idea. I went to the cupboard and drew out my word…I had some money. I briefed dad on my plans and left. The train journey was pretty short. I didn't call anyone; it would be easier to land up at their doorstep…that way there wasn't too many ways for them to refuse.

I got off at the station and started the long walk to Tohma's house. It had been ages since I walked and well I needed to save my money for records and other Ryuichi things. I looked in my wallet again…Dammit! I hadn't brought any identification with me. All I had was a little money and money wouldn't help too much if I wanted to sneak into any clubs. I'd even forgotten the forged id I had! I sighed and kept walking maybe Tohma could help me out.

I looked up and saw a brand new poster of Ryuichi…my god I needed that! I had to buy it…they were taking it down! Oh no! I started running towards it, quickly looking up and down the street, there wasn't much traffic so I ignored the 'don't cross' sign. Suddenly a squeal of brakes was heard. I turned in time to see a big blue car coming towards me. I couldn't move, it hit me and a jolt of pain like nothing I'd ever felt before ran through me. Everything went black; the last thing I saw was the poster…

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The nurse at the small hospital stared at the boy. He'd been pretty badly hurt in the accident that had happened two days ago. Nothing was broken but he'd hit his head pretty badly and cut himself in some places. Nobody seemed to know who he was…his cell phone had been crushed and he had no identification on him. No complaints of missing boys had come in either. She felt a wave of guilt wash over her. They hadn't informed the police in the city…the driver didn't want to be identified so he'd brought the boy to this hospital in the suburbs. All the doctors were his friends so he had no problem just leaving the boy and pushing off. She knew she should have done something, but she didn't want to betray the driver. The boy hadn't woken up yet.

She looked at him again and noticed his eyelids fluttering slightly. "Doctor! I think he's waking up!" the doctor Haku came running into the room. The boy's eye opened and he looked around him a little bewildered.

The doctor smiled at him. "So, my boy…how are you feeling?" the boy replied that he was fine. The doctor sat down in a chair next to him still beaming. "You had a small accident…we haven't called your family as we couldn't find any identification…what's your name boy?"

"My…name?" the boy crinkled up his brows. "I…don't…remember…." The doctor's eyes widened. The boy looked up even more scared and confused. "Who am I?" the nurse and the doctor exchanged desperate glances.

"You should get some sleep child." The nurse came up beside him. "You'll be fine and remember everything then!" She gave him a shot and they returned to the doctor's study.

"What do we do now? We have to tell the police…we have to find his parents." The nurse looked at the doctor pleadingly. But the doctor shook his head.

"We're in too deep now Misato. We didn't report it in the beginning, so we're very guilty. We have to make a choice, the hospital or the boy…" the doctor stared at his hands. "I will choose the hospital…we can give the boy some money when he's better, we'll take care of him without any fee. Then he'll have enough money to fend for himself. He's in high school he could get a job and lead his life."

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A day later, the doctor shoved some money into the boy's hand. "We couldn't find your family son. But here's some money, it'll get you through a few months. You could get a job and start life a new."

The nurse gave the boy some clothes and some food. Then she drove him to the city and left him there. Tatsuha wandered the streets aimlessly. He looked around…he seemed to be in some cheesy place, lots of thugs hanging around looking like they had nothing to do. He went into a small musty diner and ordered some food.

"Down on your luck kid?" the owner seemed nice enough. Tatsuha smiled back and nodded. "Actually I'm looking for a place to stay…and a job, but first I need to get a roof over my head."

"Hm…I know of a friend of mine who needs a roommate right about now. I'll give him a ring. He lives a little way down from here, it's a better place and you can split the rent between you. What's your name kid?" the owner sat down next to him.

Tatsuha hesitated. "Tadeo. Noboru Tadeo. Thanks I'd appreciate it if you could do that for me." He hoped nobody would notice that he'd picked off some random names from the magazine in front of him. if he had to fend for himself he had to be tough…everyone else had to think he was tough too.

The owner nodded. Then he glanced at the boy… "Could you read this for me? I don't know how to read." Tadeo nodded. He read what turned out to be a letter from the owner's daughter who live in Hokkaido. Then the owner made the call and they left to check out the place.

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Tohma was playing for all he was worth. It seemed like his musical genius had increased he was creating such nice tracks. Suddenly he heard someone yelling for him. The band stopped and he turned to look at Sakano who'd run up holding a phone. "Saccho…its Mika-san…she says its urgent." Tohma took the phone with a frustrated sigh. He hated being disturbed.

Ryuichi sat in a corner playing with Kumagoroo. Suddenly he jumped into the air as Tohma yelled "What!" he turned Tohma had a worried look on his face. He was speaking into the phone fast. Ryuichi caught some of it. "It's ok Mika, we'll find him!" "Don't cry…I'll handle it alright?" then he put the phone down looking pale.

"What's wrong Tohma?" Noriko placed a hand on his shoulder. Ryuichi came to his side as well.

"It's Tatsuha…my brother in law; he left Kyoto planning to come here four days ago. He hasn't arrived yet. His father suddenly remembered that he needed something and called Mika only to find the boy hasn't arrived. Mika is going frantic with worry and Eiri is already placing an ad in the newspapers. I need to contact the radio and TV stations. We have to find him! Anything could have happened." He left the room in a whirlwind.

Ryuichi stared after him. He wondered what could have happened to the boy…

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Tadeo looked around the apartment. It was quite alright. There was an extra mattress he could sleep on and the rent seemed reasonable. His roommate Hiko was fun too. He was nineteen, with long green hair in a high pony tail and brown eyes. He stashed his bags in a corner.

"So…let's go out for dinner tonight. I haven't made anything; I'm no great shakes at cooking. You know we could celebrate becoming roommates or something. Do you drink? You a look a little young for it." Hiko smiled at him.

"I'm 18." Tadeo lied. It was weird how he had to keep making up things about himself. "Let's go."

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A/N: ok I'm going to stop here. I keep wanting to continue but then this chapter might just become 20 pages or something! So how was it?

Taka!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: look at chapter 1

Chapter 2:

Hiko took him to one of the slightly shadier clubs. They got a mug of beer each and watched some of the dancers on the stage. Tadeo looked at them lazily convinced he could do a better job, these ones positively couldn't move to the beat. He found himself itching to get out there and dance for all he was worth. Some of the couples on the floor weren't any great shakes either.

Tadeo looked at Hiko who was moving in time to the music. 'Hiko, are you a good dancer?" The green haired man nodded. "So whadya say we go out there and dance? Those losers can't dance if their life depended on It." after a considering look, Hiko agreed and they headed towards the floor.

Nittle Grasper's Shinning collection came on. Something sparked in Tadeo's mind. He tried to grasp at it, but there was nothing. He started to lose himself in the music; the moves came by themselves as if he'd practiced the routine for a long long time. He sang along with the song, his voice wasn't as good as Ryuichi's but it was still good. Hiko fell in with his routine in a way, and they were perfect together burning the dance floor. Tadeo grabbed a mike, and sang and danced for all he was worth. _Make me shining…_he didn't realize how many people were watching him. He forgot himself in the beat, forgetting his problems, forgetting who he was…only one face in his mind, a man with short green hair and blue eyes singing with him. He finished his routine with an awesome split, sliding down the dance floor right under Hiko.

The crowd started to clap and Tadeo was jolted back into his senses. He looked around blushing. Another man came up to him, he looked like the owner of the club. "Could I talk to you for a moment my boy?" Tadeo nodded and followed him out with Hiko right behind him.

"How about you guys build up a dance routine and perform here. I haven't seen anything like it in years, you guys are really good. I could pay you a real high salary…higher than anyone else working for me." The man was big with a pot belly and smelled of second hand smoke. But he seemed nice enough. Tadeo looked at Hiko questioningly and then nodded. "Could you also you know…dress a little differently and do something about your hair kid!"

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Tohma paced the room worriedly. Eiri and Shuichi were sitting on the couch Eiri looking very worried. He loved his stupid kid brother and would do anything just about now to have him back. They all looked tired; Mika was curled up asleep in a corner. The newspapers said they'd have the missing poster printed as fast as they could.

The door bell rang and Noriko and Ryuichi walked in with some take out. "We got some food. Come on guys you'll find him! You know you will."

Tohma smiled at her a little worried. Ryuichi picked up the snap of Tatsuha lying on the table. He noticed that the picture had been taken in the teens room which looked like Ryuichi had been multiplied and hung on the walls…a fan…he looked at the boys dark hair and curiously intense dark eyes…not in Eiri's murderous fashion, but in a nicer way. Then he looked at the rest of the subdued people in the room and hoped to god that the boy was found.

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"Are you sure about this Tadeo?" Hiko held up and maroonish red dye. The boy nodded and bent down. Hiko put it on for him. After a while Hiko started to wash the dye off. Tadeo closed his eyes. Hiko's hands were really good; they felt really nice on his scalp…involuntarily he felt himself getting hard. His eyes snapped open and he found himself looking at Hiko. The man was studying his face. "You look very good."

Tadeo looked into the mirror. He had to admit, he hadn't looked this good before. Hiko had dyed his hair leaving some of the black roots to show and the way his head flopped into his eyes, he looked sexy. He smiled at Hiko and thanked him.

They sat on the sofa watching a Nittle Grasper concert. Again as he watched that man Tatsuha felt himself growing hard. He saw Hiko looking at his boxers…his erection was very obvious…. He looked a little embarrassedly at Hiko.

"Find the great Sakuma Ryuichi sexy do you?" Hiko asked and Tadeo nodded mutely. Suddenly Hiko reached over and grabbed the boy, yanking him onto his lap. "Don't get any ideas, I'm straight. But you really look like you need some help there." Tadeo didn't struggle, he wanted this. He looked a little worriedly at Hiko as the older man, pulled his boxers down.

Hiko wrapped his hand around Tadeo's cock massaging and stroking it slowly. Tadeo gasped as he felt the pleasure building in him. Hiko's hands were very skilful. His fingers lightly played with Tadeo's balls and he inserted one finger into the slit. Tadeo gasped loudly, making the older man smirk. He bucked trying to get more of his cock into the man hands, but Hiko's arms pinned him to his lap. Then the man stopped teasing and started to stroke hard and fast, before long Tadeo came with a loud scream, spraying his seed onto the carpet. He fell back into Hiko's arms. "W…why?"

Hiko smiled. "I knew how hard it would be for you to get to sleep, as I said before it's just a favor, roommate to roommate ok? I'm straight…I've never been with a guy before and I don't intend to start." The older man wiped up the carpet and disappeared into the bed room. Tadeo slipped back into his boxers and cuddled up on the mattress by the window. His last thoughts were of the singer in the concert…

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The next morning, Dr. Haku stared at the papers in disbelief…the boy in the accident had been Tatsuha Uesugi…Seguchi Tohma's brother. He had to tell them…damn it what was he going to do? Picking up the phone he steeled himself. He decided not to mention his friend, just that Tatsuha had been in an accident and that he had not informed the police. There'd be hell to pay for this!

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The phone rang and Ryuichi picked it up. Tohma and the others were sleeping peacefully. He didn't want to disturb them. "Hello."

"I'd like to speak to Seguchi Tohma please."

"You can tell me your message. Seguchi-san is not available right now. I'm his band mate I can tell him."

"Um…it's about the boy his brother in law." The doctor recounted what had happened to Ryuichi. The singers face grew tighter and angrier as the story unfolded. "SO WHERE IS HE NOW?" He screamed into the phone forgetting about the sleeping people, waking them up.

"YOU LET A YOUNG BOY WITH MEMORY LOSS WALK OUT OF YOUR HOSPITAL? WHAT KIND OF MORONS ARE YOU? WHY DDINT YOU CONTACT THE POLICE? WELL YOU CAN EXPECT A VISIT FROM THEM SOON!" Ryuichi put down he phone and turned to face the others who were looking at him anxiously.

"Who was it Ryu?" Tohma looked at him. Ryuichi looked at them all tight lipped all his chibiness gone.

"Tatsuha had an accident." He put up his hand to stop them from interrupting. "Apparently the driver didn't want to get involved so he took him to a small hospital in the suburbs. As the driver was a friend of most of the hospital staff they didn't in for the police. When he came to though Tatsuha had amnesia, he didn't remember anything. instead of contacting the police then, they gave him some money and turned him out."

"They did what?" Mika looked at him in shock. "But…but…Tokyo is so big. We'll never find him if they left him somewhere. He's too young and he lost his memory?" she choked on a few sobs.

Eiri just stared out of the window. The seriousness of the situation was unnerving. Mika was right. Now all they had to do was wait for a call from someone else.

They waited all afternoon but no calls came. It was then they decided to split up and look around the city…though it might take hours. Mika stayed home incase someone called.

Ryuichi looked at the full streets and wondered how they were going to win this battle…

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A/N : ok 1 more chapter done!

Taka


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Six days had passed and there was still no sign of Tatsuha. Eiri was running around like a zombie, nothing that Shuichi said affected him very much, Tohma's million dollar smile was still on as usual, but it flickered all the time, Mika sat on the couch by the phone watching the phone like it might ring any minute. Ryuichi cuddled Kumagoroo watching them, he didn't know why but it seemed vital that he had to find the boy; the reason wasn't only because he wanted to help Tohma's family. He sneaked another glance at Tatsuha's picture and looked at those intense eyes, he would know them anywhere. His eyes wandered to Shuichi who was bouncing on Eiri's lap with a bowl of soup.

"Ah, Eiri, you have to eat something, you can't starve. You have to have three meals a day normal people do! Please just have a little bit for me" his face fell as Yuki shook his head. "I'm not hungry Shuichi. I'll eat a little later." He disappeared into the room.

Ryuichi sighed this depressed atmosphere was getting to him. He needed a break; he decided to step out for a while. He asked Shuichi to look after Kumagoroo for him and left, he didn't feel like carrying his bunny with him.

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Tadeo looked at himself in the mirror, a tight black sleeveless t-shirt hugged his chiseled body and black leather jeans encased his legs. The tattoo he'd gotten recently on his left shoulder; a coiled python in black, (he couldn't stand colored tattoos) completed the ensemble. Hiko pushed Tadeo away from the mirror. He looked very good too; he was wearing a fishnet shirt with black jeans.

They left for the club. Tadeo was pretty happy. They'd earned a lot…enough to pay the rent and cover they're own personal expenses. But he couldn't help wondering how he'd lived before…who his family was or even if they were out looking for him…if he had one that is. He shook his head and followed Hiko out; he shouldn't be worrying about those things right now.

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Ryuichi walked into the club, it wasn't in a good part of town but he liked the fact that no one here knew who he was or if they did they left him alone. He heard the opening chord of shining collection as he walked in. he was surprised to see the people clear the dance floor. Two men walked on to the stage and started to dance. Ryuichi found himself watching them intently…something about the boy…those dark intense eyes met his. Ryuichi's eyes widened in surprise and shock…Tatsuha Uesugi! There was no doubt about it…he'd never forget those dark eyes of his, when had he colored his hair? He watched the teen move sinuously with the green haired man. The men in a group beside him started to drool.

"I'd like that younger one…" one of them said as he leered at he teen. Ryuichi suddenly felt annoyed and protective. "Yeah" agreed one of the other men. "He'd be a good fuck!"

The song ended and the two disappeared. Ryuichi left his beer and started to walk towards the bar tender; he needed to talk to Tatsuha. He suddenly saw the group of men leave and decided to follow them.

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Tadeo walked past the few bikes that were parked with Hiko. He smiled at the older guy, the performance had one so well…and that man with the blue eyes, he could have sworn it was Sakuma Ryuichi! Suddenly they found themselves surrounded. Hiko recognized the group of guys who were at the bar. One of the grabbed Tadeo, "Hey boyo! You danced pretty well out there…" Tadeo wrenched out of the man's grip and frowned. "Get your filthy hands of me!"

The man's leer turned into a drunken scowl. "Stupid brat!" he swung at Tadeo who dodged and helped him over his hip. Then they all attacked the two men together. Tadeo looked at Hiko as he fought; there were at least five men against each of them! A fist connected with his nose and felt the blood gush onto his shirt. Two pairs of hands grabbed him; Tadeo felt scared…now what? There was a shout and suddenly somebody else had joined the fight. The man dragged one of Tadeo's captors away and kicked him in the crotch at the same time poking him in the eye. Then he whirled around kicking the other man in the solar plexus. Tadeo got up and tried to steady himself and saw tone of the men pull out a small knife and start to run towards him.

"Tatsuha!" his savior was suddenly between him and the knife. Tadeo looked on in horror as the knife sliced through the man's shoulder. He grabbed the man and kicked the attacker away. Hiko caught him and hit him on the head.

Tadeo looked at the man slumped in his arms, his blood mingling with the rest on Tadeo's jacket. Hiko whipped out his handkerchief and started to pull of the man's jacket. Then he bound the wound. The man opened his eyes slowly and looked at Tadeo.

"Tatsuha! I've found you…"

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A/N: tell me is this a good time to stop? I guess it is! I have to go to a New Year party now so ciao!

Taka


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Tadeo watched Hiko place the man on the bed. He undid the handkerchief and start cleaning the wound. It was deep, but not life threatening or anything. he walked to the bathroom and started cleaning his face and washing the blood off his nose. He touched it gingerly, it was broken, but it hurt like hell. _Tatsuha! I've found you…_the name sounded so familiar. Was that his name? Tatsuha? He decided he had better tell Hiko everything.

He made his way back to his bedroom and watched Hiko finish bandaging the wound. "Hiko, I need to confess something…" he didn't look at his friend as he told him the story of his past, or what he remembered of it.

"So you think that this guy knows you? I was wondering why he called you Tatsuha…maybe it would have been a good thing if I'd subscribed to newspapers…" Hiko smiled at the young man. "I don't have a reason to mad, though I wished you'd told me earlier…I could have done something about it."

Tadeo nodded silently. He sat down on the floor beside the bed and waited for the man to wake up. He couldn't believe his eyes, but it was Sakuma Ryuichi. He loved his songs, why would Sakuma Ryuichi know him? What kind of life had he led? He brushed away the boiling emotions that rose up within him as he looked at the singer. No! He couldn't be in love! He didn't even know this man…even if he had, he didn't think it could be love!

"Hnnh…" Tadeo looked up as the man on the bed opened his eyes slowly. The blue eyes looked at his and Tadeo swallowed. "Do you need anything…Sakuma-san? You are Sakuma Ryuichi right?"

Ryuichi stared at the red haired boy, for some reason it hurt to be asked that. He'd heard of how Tatsuha was one of his biggest fans and the posters in the picture confirmed that…but now the boy was asking him if he really was Sakuma Ryuichi…Tatsuha would have recognized hi anywhere. He nodded at the boy. "Um…no Tatsuha, I don't need anything."

The boy jerked up looked at him a trifle scared. "Is that my name? Tatsuha? Do you know me? Who am I?" Ryuichi sighed. "You're Tatsuha Uesugi. Seguchi Tohma's brother in law. I don't know you personally, but I do know you're family very well, you do know that Tohma was my band mate right?"

"Seguchi Tohma's brother in law? I have famous relatives?" Tatsuha looked confused. "Are they worried? Tell me about them…I need to remember. And yeah I know he's your band mate, I'm one of your fans. I know the words to all of your songs!"

Ryuichi stared at the boy wondering how in the midst of all that memory loss he'd remembered Ryuichi and the words to Nittle Grasper songs. He suddenly gave in to his feelings and caught the scared confused boy up in a hug, pulling him onto the bed. "They are worried about you. We've done everything from notifying the papers to missing posters and news flashes. You're a lucky kid to have so many people who love you. You have two siblings Mika, Tohma's wife and Yuki Eiri the famous romance novelist. He's a cold bastard, but he loves you a lot. I need to take you back as fast as possible." He stopped as the boy started to shake. Ryuichi realized he was crying. "Tatsuha?"

"I've been scared for the last few weeks. I didn't know who I was where to go or anything. I didn't know how I was going to continue with life. If it hadn't been for that restaurant owner and Hiko, I wouldn't even have got a roof over my head." Ryuichi hugged him closer, letting the boy get rid of all the crazy feelings he'd been going through. Suddenly Tatsuha looked up with a watery smile. "I don't know why it didn't occur to me to check the media! I'm such an idiot!"

Ryuichi smiled back at him and ruffled his hair. "Baka, even Kumagoroo has more brains than you." Tatsuha nodded. He looked so vulnerable that Ryuichi hugged him again. The boy snuggled up and in a few minutes he was asleep out of sheer exhaustion. Ryuichi thanked his stars that he'd gotten there in time. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed Tohma's number.

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Hiko watched the older man holding his friend Tadeo…no Tatsuha. He was glad everything had gotten more or less cleared up. He tried to get rid of the sinking feeling he had…it was like he'd never see Tad…Tatsuha again. He gotten so used to him being around and they were really good friends. He looked around the apartment…it wasn't good enough for Seguchi Tohma's brother in law.

He sighed wishing he could just get a good job and stop working as a waiter. Then he could go back to his village and marry his girlfriend, bring her back to live with him. He smiled having Tatsuha around had been good, at least he wasn't lonely…He looked at the man holding his buddy once more…Sakuma Ryuichi, he knew Tatsuha was in love with the man, it showed all the time. He hoped things would work out there.

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Eiri picked up the phone. "Hello? What? Where?" the rest of the family watched him anxiously. "Shall we come and get you? You'll come in the morning? Alright I'll tell them…and Ryuichi? Thank you."

He turned to face the others with his first genuine smile. "Ryuichi found him. Apparently he was working at some club and some men attacked him, but Ryuichi stepped in and this other fellow Hiko was there too. So everything's fine, Tatsuha will be here in the morning! Only, he still doesn't remember anything…yet." His face fell again.

Shuichi walked up to him and smiled. "Well, at least we can help him now. Cheer up Eiri!" Tohma was hugging Mika who was not crying, it was like all her tears had dried up.

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Ryuichi tried to shift the young man and slip into bed. Tatsuha cuddled up a little more and murmured. "Ryuichi…" Ryuichi looked down at him before planting a light kiss on his forehead. He then untangled himself from Tatsuha and slipped into bed next to him. He out an arm around the boy protectively. He vowed he'd try to bring his memory back…he lay back smelling the nice soapy smell on Tatsuha's face and fell asleep.

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A/N: ok now comes the hard part. How the hell am I going to bring Tat back? And what do I do with Hiko cos this is a Ryu and Tat fanfic…oh well I'll think of something! Ja ne

Taka


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Tatsuha woke up to find him self cuddled up comfortably to Ryuichi. He stared at the singer for a moment. Ryuichi's sleeping face looked so nice and serene. He bent his face a little closer, their lips almost in contact. Ryuichi suddenly woke up letting out a startled yell. They jumped apart falling onto both sides of the bed.

"What did you do that for?" Tatsuha rubbed his back where he'd landed. Ryuichi still looked a little disoriented. He looked at Tatsuha and burst into tears, the boy looked at him in surprise wondering what he was supposed to do. Ryuichi stopped abruptly and smiled a watery smile.

"I'm sorry no da, you just surprised me and I hurt my bum." Tatsuha stared at the older man for a moment before he burst out laughing. Ryuichi looked at him; he looked so young sitting on the floor and guffawing.

He smiled and stood up. "Ok, Tatsuha, come on we have to go or your family will get really frantic. I told them I'd found you yesterday and they almost came here." As if on cue, the phone rang. Ryuichi picked up.

"Um…yes Mika, I'm bringing him. No, we'll leave in a few minutes. Yes, he's safe…I told you that already. Eiri, I told Mika we'll be on our way soon. No you don't have to ask Tohma to get us. I can get a cab. IF YOU GUYS DON'T HANG UP, I'LL TAKE HIM SOMEWHERE AND WE'LL HIDE FOREVER!" Ryuichi ended the call and smiled at Tatsuha. "You see what I mean, let's go."

Tatsuha was already dressed in a T-shirt and blue jeans. He collected his small pile of belongings. He headed into the living room and hugged Hiko. "So I guess I'll be going. Thanks for everything…" Hiko nodded and Tatsuha felt a mixture of happiness and sadness. "I'll still come visit."

"If you don't I'll kill you." Hiko smiled. "Ok go on then. It's not a farewell you know, we're still in the same city!" Tatsuha waved and followed Ryuichi out. Ryuichi came back in to thank the man and tell Hiko that he'd be in touch.

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Tatsuha looked at the big houses on either side of the streets. He seemed awed to have relatives who lived in places like this. They stopped at one of the houses in the row. Then Ryuichi picked up Tatsuha's bag and gestured for the boy to follow him. He noticed Tatsuha's nervous look and grabbed his hand and led him in.

He opened the door himself, not making a sound. They entered the drawing room and everyone fell silent. Tatsuha looked at everyone, his eyes rest on Eiri…a blonde clone of himself. That convinced him he belonged to this family. Eiri was the first to get to him, surprising everyone else, by hugging him. He didn't say anything, but his hug was tight enough. Mika joined him and gave her youngest brother a hug before cry softly. "Oh thank god you're safe…I thought you might be…"

Tatsuha slowly hugged them back. Eiri let go and sank onto the couch, his usual expression of coolness fast appearing. "You aren't going to suffocate him are you Mika? Though in a way it would serve him right for being careless."

"What do you mean I was careless?" Tatsuha broke away from Mika glaring at the blonde man. Eiri smirked. "You ran out on to a road when the "don't walk" sign was flashing. You really should be more careful!"

"Well, I would be if I could remember what exactly happened. But, since that's not possible, because I don't remember much of anything before the accident now…maybe you'd like to fill me in? Nicely?" Tatsuha shot back feeling bugged. He noticed the slight wince Eiri had given when he talked about his memory loss. But the man shrugged. "I doubt you'd want to remember what a brat you were. Now if you'd excuse me I'd like to go to the bathroom."

Ryuichi patted the young man's shoulder. "I told you he was a cold bastard." "He's not! Ryuichi don't be mean, you know he's been losing his mind over Tatsuha and he hasn't eaten anything!" Shuichi suddenly whined and took off after Yuki. "Eiri, don't mind that they're being mean to you! I won't let them."

Ryuichi looked at Tatsuha's questioning gaze and smiled once more. "That's Shindou Shuichi Eiri's lover." The rest of the time passed a little quickly with the family questioning Tatsuha on what he had been doing. They all fussed over him, with exception of Eiri. At last it was late at night when Tatsuha got some time to himself. He sat in his room when Eiri walked in.

"Hey brat, here these might help you remember something, I raided our house at Kyoto for them." He was about to leave when Tatsuha called out to him. "Aniki…?"

Eiri turned around and looked at him, eyebrow raised. "Aniki, can we look at it together?" Eiri looked a little surprised but he sat down anyway. Tatsuha smiled at him a little shyly. "So where do we start? I hope I'm not bothering you, if you want to be with Shuichi…"

"Shuichi's asleep. We'll start with the pictures, then you can read your journals." Eiri picked up an old album and flipped it open. There were pictures of their mother holding baby Tatsu-chan. "This was when you were born brat, god made you so you could annoy the hell out of me. I don't think you'll remember our mother; she died a few years after this was taken. This is one of the only pictures we have of her."

He flipped the page and there was a picture of Eiri and Tatsuha sitting in a tree and Tatsuha was crying, while Eiri had a smug look on his face. "This was when we climbed up on a tree and you couldn't get down. That was so funny! Tohma had to come get you down. You cried for two hours. And we had to give you Ryuichi postcards to keep you quiet. You were about six then, still the cry baby." It went on for a while with Eiri explaining lots of the pictures for him. he suddenly realized what a big influence Ryuichi had on him.

Eiri left after about three hours. By the time he left, Tatsuha could see the change in him from gentle back to cold. He wondered what was wrong with the man. He picked up his journal and flipped to the last entry.

_Today is the day I will leave for Tokyo. I will meet Sakuma-sama this time and no one can stop me! I also need to convince my siblings to let me stay. Eiri as usual will throw me out, but I'll play on his weak point Shuichi…school is over and all I have to do is hand over my homework and study for the exams next month. Who cares? When have I ever paid attention to school? Oh shit I'll stop now I can hear the old man sneaking around and I'm screwed if he gets this!_

Tatsuha realized that his journal entries were erratic when he reached the entry before the last but one entry which had been made a year back. He gasped loudly when he read, shock in his eyes.

_Eiri told me what had happened to him back in New York after a fight we had. I called him a cold, uncaring bastard and a lot of stuff I don't want to write down, but I guess I pushed him too far. He told me about Kitazawa Yuki and how he had been raped. He told me about how he'd killed those men also very calmly, if I wasn't his brother I could never have realized the pain he was actually in. in a way I'm really glad he's got Shuichi in his life, if anyone has stopped Eiri being as hard as ice, It's Shuichi. I wish I could do something to help but I guess I can't. I'm feeling ashamed now; I wish I wasn't always annoying him like that. I vow never to bug him again for the rest of my life…actually I'll try not to._

Tatsuha stopped there and moved on to the rest of the chapters he didn't want to read more of that one. At least he knew why his older brother was the way he was now. He slipped out of his room, for a drink of water and saw Ryuichi sitting on the couch with his bunny. The green haired man smiled at him. "Didn't get any sleep?"

"No, I'm just trying my best to remember stuff, but it's so hard!" Tatsuha gulped the water down. He wanted Ryuichi in his room, so he could cuddle up to someone who he was familiar with. "Uh…Ryuichi-san, would you like to um…you know come to my room and talk or something? I need the company right now."

"Sure. But I have to bring my Kumagoroo too you know. Kumagoroo beam!" Ryuichi threw the bunny at Tatsuha whispering the attack. Tatsuha felt the bunny hit him when…

"_Teddy beam! My teddy bears just as good as Ryuichi's bunny! I hit you Aniki and you Aneki you're all supposed to be dead!" Eiri then caught hold of him tickling him till he almost suffocated. _

"Tatsuha?" Ryuichi shook the boy a little. "Are you all right?" Tatsuha nodded. "I just remembered a little…about my teddy beam I was playing with Eiri and Mika." Ryuichi's eyes widened, but he didn't press the boy. They sat down on Tatsuha's bed and he hugged the boy once more. "Damn he was going to get used to this…"

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A/N: Yay I almost got this done with. Yaoi in the next chapter I think. Neways thanks all reviewers and esp. Major Louis Armstrong, your suggestion has been used!

Taka


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

Mika woke up and went to get a peek of her baby brother. She was surprised to see him cuddled up against Ryuichi, but she said nothing. It hurt her, that Tatsuha had his dream of meeting his idol coming true at last and he couldn't even remember anything. She sighed and closed the door, what hurt more was that Tatsuha seemed to trust Ryuichi more than any of them. She closed her eyes and wondered just how she was supposed to get back to work, leaving her younger brother here…she really wanted to spend time with him, but she had taken too many days off from work..

Tohma found her leaning against the wall limply and put his arms around her. "Come on Mika, its ok. He'll be here when you get back. Ryuichi said he'll take him out today, Eiri made a list of all the places Tatsuha normally frequented. It should bring back his memory…it's worth a try!" Mika nodded and they went to get dressed.

Eiri had already woken up and was yanking a sleepy Shuichi towards the living room. They were on their way back home because Eiri had to complete his book and Shuichi thought they'd imposed on Mika long enough. Soon the house was empty.

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Tatsuha woke up to Ryuichi's giggles. He frowned slightly and looked at the green haired man. _Wait is he giggling in his sleep? Whoever heard of anyone giggling in their sleep?_ Tatsuha could help but smile as the older man giggled once more. "Mmm….I'll eat you if you tickle me again Kumagoroo…" Tatsuha's face suddenly had a wicked grin. So Sakuma Ryuichi was ticklish…he reached down and tickled Ryuichi on the waist.

The man sat up squirming. H opened his eyes and looked at Tatsuha's wicked smile as the teen reached to tickle him once more. Ryuichi squeaked and slipped off the bed and stood up. "Tatsuha, don't do that no da! I was having a dream about Kumagoroo monster."

Tatsuha rolled his eyes. "So where is everybody?" Ryuichi shrugged and walked out the room. Tatsuha followed him and saw him pick up note from the coffee table in the hall.

"They've all gone to work, na no da. But they've left me a list with all the places I'm supposed to take you to today." Tatsuha nodded and then announced that he was going to take a shower.

Ryuichi nodded and picked up a cinnamon doughnut from the refrigerator and walked up to the room Tatsuha used. Maybe he could read for a few minutes.

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Tatsuha turned off the tower and rubbed himself down with the towels. Then he realized he hadn't brought any clothes with him to the bathroom. Cursing he wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped out of the bathroom. He walked into the room expecting it to be empty when he found Ryuichi staring at him. Tatsuha blushed under Ryuichi's gaze, before ignoring the awkwardness and turning to rummage around in his bags.

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Ryuichi couldn't help but stare at the teen's body. It was all tight and hard. His skin was so smooth; Ryuichi tore his gaze away from the boy's body to look him in the eye. The teen was blushing, and then he turned to rummage in his bags. Ryuichi sighed; Mika had told him this was Tatsuha's usual room. "Hey Ta-kun. You might want to look in the cupboards; I guess you usually left a pair of clothes here, just in case."

Tatsuha began looking in the cupboard. He slipped on his boxer's under the towel and then slipped it off. Ryuichi's eyes ran down his legs and tight ass, before he could stop himself. _Concentrate on the book, you baka._ Ryuichi stared at the book for Al he was worth until Tatsuha had finished. Then he went for his own shower, taking his clothes with him.

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"This is your mother's grave. Eiri told me we should stop by here first." Ryuichi explained as they bought some flowers and went to the grave sight. Tatsuha stared at the tombstone that read 'Uesugi Tomoe' willing his memories back, but nothing happened.

He ran his hands through his hair in frustration; this was his mother's grave for crying out loud! This is where he was supposed to be remembering everything…he was at least supposed to remember his mother here. Ryuichi patted him on the shoulder giving him a sympathetic look.

Next they went to the club, Silverfish, which Tatsuha had started hanging out at. After that they went to the amusement park, the record store, the school in Tokyo that Tatsuha had attended when he was six. Each stop was more frustrating than the last.

They had lunch in Tatsuha's favorite restaurant where they made the best tempura. Ryuichi looked at the boy worried, he was wearing himself out. He decided they should try Kyoto and Tatsuha's home. Mika had called her father and explained Tatsuha's condition to him, and the old man was more than willing to let Tatsuha stay in Tokyo.

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The drive to Kyoto was slightly long, so Tatsuha fell asleep on the way. Ryuichi glanced at him as they drove. He was such a beautiful boy; Ryuichi wished he had met him before. He drew up in front of the house.

Tatsuha woke up and looked at the house intensely, willing himself to remember. The door opened and his father stepped out. Surprisingly the old man enveloped Tatsuha in a hug. "My son, you're back." Tatsuha nodded, looking slightly surprised. The old man hung his head a little realizing Tatsuha didn't even recognize him. Ryuichi smiled apologetically before ushering Tatsuha in. they went to look at his room.

They both gasped when the door opened. Ryuichi stared at him self from every direction. There were Ryuichi collector's item mugs, key chains and even song quotes from his songs pasted on the wall. There was even a Ryuichi pillow. Ryuichi exchanged a glance with Tatsuha.

"Well, who knew that my number one fan would turn out to be my best friends' brother-in-law?" he joked, but the boy's eyes were downcast. He put his arm around the teen. "Tatsuha, what's wrong?"

Tatsuha looked up about to say something when his father walked in announcing that he was stepping out for a moment. Tatsuha nodded and waited for him to leave before looking at Ryuichi a serious frown marring his face. "What's wrong? Did you just realize that I used to be obsessed with you? Which means that meeting you should have been my dream come true? Ironically, when my dream has come true I don't even remember anything!"

Ryuichi blinked at the anger in his tone, before hugging him again. "It'll be all right…and when you do remember I'll still be there to make everything ok…"

Tatsuha half smiled at that before pulling away and looking through some of the stuff on the table. He played around with a pen without looking at Ryuichi. He began in a low voice. "You know what was weird? You were the first thing I remembered. I just walked into that club you found me in, I remembered all the lyrics of your songs, all the dance moves I'd practiced for them and your face. I never forgot your face…I started listening to the music and it was right there, liked I'd seen you before." Tatsuha still didn't look up into his one-time idol's face. "I should have remembered my family or something but I just remembered you…that got me wondering…why? Why did I remember just you? Why do I have this crazy feeling I've known you all my life if I've just met you? Wan I in lo…" Tatsuha stopped and looked up before he finished the sentence, not wanting to go too far.

Ryuichi was standing inches away from him. he hadn't noticed. The older man smiled and came closer pulling the younger man into his arms. "I don't know the answer Tatsuha-kun. Though I'm flattered that you remembered me…I'm sorry." He held the teen for awhile, feeling his warm breath against his neck. When Tatsuha looked up Ryuichi found himself drowning in pools of black.

He bent down and softly captured the teen's lips with his own. When he didn't meet resistance, he deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into the boy's mouth. He tasted so good, like chocolate. Tatsuha's arms linked around his neck, he pulled the boy closer, running his hands down his back. As the boy began to gain some confidence, they're tongue's began a battle for dominance. Ryuichi pushed him backwards onto the bed, straddling him. he kissed him again, more demanding now.

Tatsuha moaned into Ryuichi's mouth as the singers fingers began to rub Tatsuha's nipples, moving in slow circles. Ryuichi's mouth left his mouth traveling to his ear. Tatsuha stiffened as Ryuichi nibbled on his earlobe. He moved a little more boldly now, lightly caressing the bulge in Ryuichi's pants. The singer gasped, his eyes widening at the sudden pleasure. He started undoing Tatsuha's shirt quickly, kissing every patch of skin, he uncovered. Suddenly the door banged downstairs bringing him back to his senses.

Ryuichi clambered off Tatsuha hastily. The teen buttoned up his shirt and breathed deeply trying to calm himself. They went downstairs to bid Uesugi-san goodbye.

One they got back into the car, Ryuichi kissed Tatsuha once more. "We should start driving back…Mika will kill us if we don't get home for dinner." Tatsuha nodded, and turned to look out of the window. They drove back in silence, both trying to figure out what exactly had happened and where it fit in their lives.

Tatsuha stared out of the window. Had he really been in love with this man…a singer he'd never met? Where the hell was all this going? He wanted Ryuichi…that was for sure, but hadn't there been anyone else in his life? _Why can't I remember anything?_

Ryuichi drove on autopilot, his head filled with unnerving thoughts. He was feeling a little guilty, it seemed like he was taking advantage of Tatsuha's vulnerability. _Shut up! You're not taking advantage, the boy wants you…the boy used to be in love with you!_ Used to be…that's what bothered Ryuichi, the boy _used to be _infatuated with him. Was it right in doing this when he didn't remember what he wanted? Apart from Tatsuha, another doubt was about Ryuichi himself. _Am I ready for a relationship? No…I'm not. Not after Isabella. _ But Tatsuha was different. He really didn't want to let the teen go…_why am I doing this? I should just go back to my own apartment and leave his family to help him._ he looked up into Tatsuha's intense eyes as the boy turned to ask him something. No…he wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon…

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A/N: what am I doing writing? I'm supposed to be studying for that economics exam on Friday…I'm such a doofus! Ok pple I need to get top bad and study tomorrow! So have fun!

Taka


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: felt like putting one up. i do not own gravitation or any of the charaqcters. but when i do i'll give all my reviewers one each!

Chapter 7:

Ryuichi tossed and turned, trying to get some sleep. This was the first time in two days that he was sleeping alone. _Have I gotten so used to Tatsuha that I cant get to sleep if he's not around?_ He sat up and walked to the kitchen making sure not to wake anyone else up. He got himself a glass of water and sank down on the couch. The day had been really weird. He leaned back into the couch, thinking of the way Tatsuha had tasted. Why did something so wrong feel so right? Ryuichi certainly didn't want to be in a relationship with someone right about now. It had been a year since Isabella had left, but he still dreamt about her and wasn't completely over her.

He remembered how they had met. She'd always been a part of his team in America. He had not noticed her until the end of the year, when suddenly he had to be hustled out of a concert and she'd showed up to help him. he remembered how she had acted so cool and clam which contrasted with his wildly screaming fans. She'd been intelligent and nice to talk to; he had wanted to spend a lot more time with her. They had gone out for two years, and had been considered a perfect couple! They never fought; they discussed everything with each other, even the various rumours about him. heck, he remembered their first kiss too, it was in an elevator. He had gone to her apartment for something and suddenly she'd swooped down on him and kissed him. she was so beautiful, copper skin, brown eyes and short black hair. He'd loved her with everything he'd got; he loved her enough to want to be with her for the rest of his life. Then they'd had the fight. She thought he was putting his singing over her that had been the first crack in their perfect relationship. Then she called him and told him that she loved him once, but he was so angry with her that he'd replied sarcastically and implied that he didn't return the feelings.

Then she left. No address, no phone number, nothing. He tried to find her for six months before giving up hope. By the time he decided to live life to the fullest again, he was back in Japan and Nittle Grasper was staring again. He tried to forget her, but now she haunted his dreams even if he didn't think of her during the day. He wondered if he'd ever be able to love again or even trust again.

He stood up to make his way back to his room. He stopped by Tatsuha's room and peeked in. the boy was asleep his red hair contrasting horribly with the green pillow. They'd have to do something about that…it was still too Tadeo. Ryuichi wanted Tatsuha back. Maybe he should give it a try when his memory came back…maybe it would be worth it.

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_He looked up and saw a brand new poster of Ryuichi…my god he needed that! He had to buy it…they were taking it down! Oh no! He started running towards it, quickly looking up and down the street, there wasn't much traffic so he ignored the 'don't cross' sign. Suddenly a squeal of brakes was heard. he turned in time to see a big blue car coming towards him. He couldn't move, it hit him and a jolt of pain like nothing he'd ever felt before ran through him._

Tatsuha screamed, waking up in a cold sweat. Ryuichi was right next to him, in a minute holding him close. "Tatsuha, what happened?" the younger boy try to calm down, taking a few deep breaths. This was the first time he'd dreamt about the accident. If this was the way it was affecting him, maybe he was better off without his memory.

Mika and Tohma had rushed in at the sound of his scream. Ryuichi smiled at them. "I think it was just a nightmare." He turned to Tatsuha. "want to talk about it Ta-kun?"

The boy nodded slowly. "I remembered the accident." Mika's hand moved up to her mouth, in a second she was there next to him. "I saw a poster. It was a poster of you…I don't think I ever wanted anything so bad. So I ran across the road ignoring the don't cross sign. It was a big blue car…and then there was a lot of pain. It hurt so I woke up."

Ryuichi was staring at the boy, a poster of him? _A stupid poster?_ The kid had almost gotten killed for a poster. He wanted to yell but a part of him stopped him, it wasn't a good idea right about now, considering that Tatsuha wasn't the same Tatsuha. He made a comforting noise and hugged the boy.

Mika patted her brother's arm. "It's ok, Otouto. You're safe now. And the next time, tell me which Ryuichi poster you want, I'll get it for you. We love you ok?"

Her brother nodded. "Yeah, but I guess it's good that I remember this stuff. I cant believe I was such an idiot! I guess I'll have to be more careful from now on."

He waited until they left before once again asking Ryuichi to stay with him. the green haired man nodded. The teen cuddled up to him, but they didn't fall asleep. Tatsuha caressed Ryuichi's face softly. "Kiss me Ryuichi…" the older man stared at him. Tatsuha leaned forward and captured his lips softly. Ryuichi couldn't help but kiss him back. He slowly slipped his hands into the younger man's shirt, running them along the tight muscles. Tatsuha moaned softly, pushing Ryuichi back down on the bed. He began un buttoning the older man's shirt, running his tongue down every patch of skin he uncovered. He reached his idol's nipple and began to suck it softly, while his hands stroked the singers back. Ryuichi wound his hands in Tatsuha's hair pulling him up for another kiss. He explored every inch of the younger boy's mouth with his tongue, before moving onto kiss Tatsuha's neck. But as Tatsuha's hands moved towards his pajama pants, he pulled back.

"No. Ta-kun, we'll take this slowly ok? I don't want to rush into anything right now. Let me give you some pleasure…" Ryuichi flipped Tatsuha on to his back and leaned over him kissing him softly once more. He didn't want to rush headlong into this as they had that morning; he just wanted the boy to remember a nice sweet pleasurable experience. He pulled off Tatsuha pants and boxers, freeing the erection which had been straining against the material. He took the head into the mouth, getting a soft gasp out of Tatsuha. He started sucking first at a slow pace and then faster as he swallowed him. He deep throated him and hummed a little, causing nice vibrations; Tatsuha cried out and arched trying to shove himself inside his mouth. Ryuichi caught hold of his hips and held him down, oblivious to the boy's moans and pleading. Ryuichi smiled a little as he slipped his tongue into the slit, Tatsuha gave a muffled scream covering his mouth incase Mika heard him. Ryuichi hastened his pace a little, licking the thick vein on the underside of his cock. He felt Tatsuha's balls tighten and swallowed him once more as he came with another scream. Ryuichi continued to suck until he'd rid Tatsuha's cock of the entire residue, and then he swallowed and leaned over the boy kissing him hard. Tatsuha smiled and cuddled up to him, before falling asleep. Ryuichi yanked up the boys pajama's and covered him, before leaving for some alone time in the bathroom.

He was feeling strangely optimistic; this might all actually work out. Though the only time he would take the boy completely was when his memory returned.

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A/N: I just realized that this is shorter than most of my chapters, sorry about that. but I'm really tired and I have to wake up at 5.00 am tomorrow as my exam got postponed and its going to be tomorrow. I'm dead tired! Anyway, hope you liked it. I don't want to write a full lemon right now, I think I want a whole Tatsuha to experience that with Ryuichi…ok review please all of you.

Taka

**Kodbale**: I want you to review as well; it doesn't help if you tell me how the story was every time we meet. If you think I need to change anything here or if something was missing please give me a good critical review ok?


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

When Tatsuha woke up that morning Ryuichi had already left. Remembering last night sent shivers down his spine. He slipped out of bed and padded to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth, the red dye was fading slightly…it made him look really good, but maybe it would be nice to remove it. He made an appointment at the hairdressers for around eleven. Before that maybe he'd visit Eiri and after the appointment he could go meet Shuichi at work. Though what should he wear?

He picked out a nice half sleeve red button down shirt and black jeans. After a quick shower he changed and then decided to take the car to Eiri's place. Tohma had left the driver to attend to Tatsuha for the day. The drive to Eiri's house was pretty boring, Tatsuha skimmed through the newspaper, the hospital he had been in was shut down…probably due to something Tohma did, a new Nittle Grasper and Bad Luck CD was coming out sometime this month. Tatsuha realized he hadn't even talked to Ryuichi about his work or his concerts. Ryuichi had become just another guy or friend that he trusted. He'd in a way forgotten that the man was lead singer for Nittle Grasper and one of the best singers in the world. How had he managed to forget that?

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Eiri opened the door unsmiling as always. He glared at his younger brother. "What do you want?" Tatsuha shrugged as he took a seat on the couch. "A lot of things actually…first and foremost my memory, I really don't want to bug you Aniki, but can you please help me?" Eiri blinked, Tatsuha never asked him for help…at least at with things like this. The only help he asked for, was a place to stay or some money, other than that they had just gone their own ways. It wasn't that Eiri didn't care…it was just that he'd taken Tatsuha too much for granted. After the accident, Eiri realized how much Tatsuha meant to him, and now fate was giving him the opportunity to be there for his brother.

Eiri grimaced a little. "Tell, you what…we'll give this get your memory back thing a rest for now. I know it's important, but it should consume all your thoughts you know. Let's just spend the together…I don't know lets just have fun, talk about stuff. Your memory will come back pretty soon, if what Mika said about you remembering the accident is right. The more that you obsess about it, the harder it will be to bring it back ok? Not let me change."

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They got some nice English breakfast at a restaurant down town. Eiri was pretty amused at the number of sausages his little brother consumed. It was like this never ending appetite. At last the dark haired boy stopped and grinned up at his brother. "That was so cool Aniki! I love sausages! Oh and Aniki can you help me refine my English? I mean I know they taught at school, but probably I was goofing off or something…"

Eiri nodded and started right away, forcing his brother to speak to him only in English. He even corrected Tatsuha's accent to make it sound at least slightly American. They went to the book shop, to buy some books after which Eiri accompanied him to the hairdressers. He grumbled all through the time, Tatsuha was getting the dye removed. Eiri decided to go smoke outside…it beat sitting around and reading stupid magazines. When Tatsuha finally came out, Eiri actually smiled.

It felt so good to be able to see his brother back to normal, with out the red hair glaring at him. He enveloped Tatsuha in a hug, before realizing how much he'd let his Eiri The Cold Uncaring Bastard mask slip.

Tatsuha smiled, the last time Eiri had hugged him like that had been when he'd left for New York. Tatsuha had cried all day and clung to his Aniki who was going away. Eiri had hugged him tightly, promising he'd be back to play with Tatsuha and keep him safe. He stepped back and looked at his blonde brother who was trying to will his face into an expression of disinterest.

"Hey, Aniki do you remember the last time you hugged me like that? it was at the airport, you said you'd keep me safe." The blonde's eyes widened. He looked at his brother before saying. "You remember? How much do you remember?"

Tatsuha smiled a little nervously. "Just well, when you hugged me I remembered that and I….remember mom now. She used to hug me like that too ne Aniki? I still miss her, you guys didn't need her much, I still do though. Lets see what else do I remember…just a jumble of a few childhood incidents, like when you tried to drown me in a pond, the time I spread my jar of tadpoles all over your bed and you screamed like a girl, Nee-chan feeling you celery after which you ran away from home, I remember you coming into my room when I was five because father let me sleep with the light on. Yup…most of my child hood I guess."

Eiri was wondering whether to be happy or whether to be annoyed. He had forgotten that Tatsuha had had an awesome memory before and recorded all of Eiri's embarrassing moments perfectly down to every detail. He decided to give a semblance of a smile and inquired what the brat intended to do next.

They decided to go shopping as Tatsuha claimed he needed some nice 'sexy' clothes. If Eiri noticed that his brother had a weird look on his face, he didn't comment. They just picked some nice tank tops, shirts, leather pants with silver buckles and a few other 'necessary' items.

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on the way to NG Tatsuha wondered why he couldn't remember anything about what he had felt for Ryuichi? He knew that he'd had an accident for a stupid poster, but what bugged him was except for that he didn't remember much of Ryuichi at all. The singer made him feel all strange inside now a days, but Tatsuha had no idea what he'd felt before. What the hell was it like to be a fan boy? Sure the first time out of hospital that he'd seen Ryuichi on screen, he'd felt strange…he wanted Ryuichi like he'd never wanted before…but it wasn't a happy fan boy feeling like it should have been…like the evidence of his diary and Ryuichi posters on the wall told him.

Yeah he'd been like a lot of people…he had been attracted to Ryuichi; he had to admit it was lust. But after meeting the singer and spending time with him, it had changed to something else. Tatsuha no longer looked at the singer as a god, he couldn't even feel an inkling of emotion that made him think of Ryuichi as anything other than a friend or maybe more that he'd known for a while. For the first time in his life…or at least the life that he remembered he found himself doubting what he felt for Ryuichi.

Tatsuha sighed as he pushed back in his seat…a small smirk graced his lips. Yeah that's what Ryuichi was…he wasn't a god, he was just another guy trying to live his life by the best means he could. A normal guy…well not exactly normal what with the pink bunny thing and all…who had made his way to the top in this hard world. Tatsuha respected him for that. so if Ryuichi was just another average guy…then why was he messing up Tatsuha like this?

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Ryuichi finished singing and sank into a chair. He was really tired, considering he didn't get any sleep. If he wasn't with Tatsuha he'd never get a good nights rest, but now Tatsuha was worming his way into Ryuichi's dreams. Seeing another employee wave to him, Ryuichi smiled and waved back. He sighed tiredly, it was like he could be himself with Tatsuha not keep up this mask that he did with everyone else…oh sure he did let it slip partly when he was around the other like Tohma and Shuichi, but he could remove it when Tatsuha was around.

He decided to wash his face and freshen up before moving on to the next song. Everything he wrote, he wrote for Tatsuha now. Ryuichi shook his head…it was just too bugging. He splashed some water onto his face and pulled out a tissue to dry it, looking at himself in the mirror. He was definitely in love or something close to it.

He couldn't help but smile when he thought of that. _Maybe, just maybe I can tell him everything. All about my past…and he'll love me back?_

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A/N: please don't grumble about the chapter being so short. My exams have started kinda and I don't know what I'm doing on the comp! but I decided maybe I can write just a little ok? So please forgive me I'll make them longer…maybe if Arashi-kun could get off his butt and help me, I would do this better…that man infuriates me!

Taka

A/N: this is Arashi here…I have decided to hand over my pen name and everything to the idiot woman taka here. (Pokes Taka's forehead.) So I am not responsible for any late chapter or any thing else. It is all her responsibility and if the silly girl can write using my account then she might as well, take the blame. I only beta read though I suck at it! Ja ne! Be kind to my friend and review please!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

As he walked down the corridors in NG Tatsuha, desperately tried to see if he could remember anything about the place. He had absolutely no idea where to go, so he just followed his brother. They reached the room after a few minutes and heard Ryuichi singing with Shuichi. It looked like they were having fun, both the bands performing simultaneously. Tatsuha found that he couldn't take his eyes off Ryuichi, the man was awesome…_ok now I should feel it…I should get that fan boy feeling I used to get before…_ but nothing happened.

☻

Ryuichi didn't feel like putting his all into this…he was too preoccupied, wondering what the hell was up with him, succumbing to the gaze of one teenage boy. He just closed his eyes and sang for the fun of it. Upon opening them, he saw the said boy's gaze on him once more, and felt a tingle in his stomach for a minute.

"Uh…hey Tatsuha, Eiri-san. What's up? What are you guys doing here?" He smiled and walked up to them.

"Well we thought we'd…uh" Tatsuha got shoved to the side as Shuichi tackled Eiri. Ryuichi caught him as he fell, their eyes locked for a moment before Ryuichi pulled away. Tatsuha straightened and continued as though nothing had happened. "We thought we'd drop in and see you guys."

There was a sequel of happiness from Shuichi at that. he glomped Eiri once more, now kissing the life out of him, oblivious to the stares of the entire hotel staff. Eiri was struggling to get away from him. "Stop…Shuichi, you're suffocating me!"

Ryuichi shook his head and turned to Tatsuha with a smile. His mask had come up suddenly. "Ooooo, Tat-kun why do you look so happy now? Tell me tell me! Kuma-chan wants to know too!"

Tatsuha blinked at Ryuichi's sudden shift to his childish side. The singer was grinning at him for all the world looking like an excited child. "Uh…ok I'll tell you. My memory came back today…well most of it, my child hood and stuff." He staggered as Ryuichi hugged him suddenly. He wasn't used to him acting like this.

"Yay! Tatsuha-kun, I'm so happy! We have to go celebrate! What shall we do? Huh? Huh?" Ryuichi jumped up and down a little. "let's take Eiri-san and Shuichi also ne?" he grabbed Tatsuha's hand and started running off.

To Tatsuha's surprise, Noriko caught hold of the singer with a growl. "RYUICHII! You haven't finished here yet baka! You promised that after taking a break with Shuichi-kun, you would come back and do the recording!"

Ryuichi turned to her and started to sob going all chibi cry baby form. "Please, please Noriko-chan! Let me go…" seeing the woman shake her head, he bawled louder. "Noriko-chan hates me! Please don't hate me Noriko-chan! Wwaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!"

Noriko's eye started to twitch and Tatsuha jumped up and picked Ryuichi up just before the chair hit him. Noriko shook her fist at them. "You can go Ryuichi, just get out of my side or I'll kill you!"

Ryuichi smiled in glee before grabbing Tatsuha and Shuichi, who in turn grabbed Eiri and running out of the room. He didn't stop until they were all in a limo; Shuichi was cuddling an exhausted Eiri, who'd fallen asleep. Soon the pink haired singer was asleep too.

Tatsuha sneaked a look at Ryuichi. He'd stopped acting childish. Instead he looked tired and his head hung forward slightly. Before he could stop himself Tatsuha had asked the question that was bugging him. "Why do you act like that with the others?"

Ryuichi's head suddenly jerked upwards and he turned to Tatsuha. "Hmm? What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean Ryuichi! Why do you act like such a child in front of all those people? I've always seen you mature and serious with me, but with them…." He trailed off; sure Ryuichi had gotten what he implied.

The singer's eyes hardened a little. "I'm sorry Tatsuha-san but that's none of your business." He looked at Tatsuha's slightly hurt look and smiled suddenly. "So Tatsuha, where would you like to go for a celebration?"

☻

Tatsuha almost screamed. Why was he feeling so hurt? And why was Ryuichi calling him Tatsuha-san? Most of all he felt like shaking the older man. Why the hell was he putting up a mask with him, Tatsuha now? He'd bet anything that the smile was fake. But then he realized that Ryuichi needed space as well. He just suggested a café somewhere near Eiri's house.

After that Ryuichi became somewhat silent. He just stared out the window and answered Tatsuha's questions in monosyllables. Tatsuha abandoned conversation. He fell to brooding about Ryuichi like he was doing before he got to the studio. When he had heard Ryuichi sing at the studio, it had been pretty average…he didn't think it was awesome, he wasn't inspired with all the fan boy emotions. So what _was_ Ryuichi to him? He looked at the singer once more.

Ryuichi was asleep, looking peaceful and at peace. Tatsuha resisted the urge to reach out and run his fingers along that pale cheek. Ok, so Ryuichi was a person who was really important to him, he couldn't bear to loose the man, but was this love?

The limo stopped jerking Ryuichi awake and rudely putting an end to Tatsuha's musings. Ryuichi looked at him and the earlier tension was back. They woke Shuichi and Eiri. The rest of the celebration went really well, though Ryuichi had his mask firmly in place and Tatsuha was trying his best to ignore it. They got back home pretty late after dropping Eiri and Shuichi at their apartment.

☻

Tatsuha's eyes looked at Ryuichi begging him to stay. Ryuichi sighed and followed the boy into 'their' bedroom. He then stripped and pulled on some pajamas and slipped into bed. Soon Tatsuha's arm snaked around him, pulling him closer.

"Ryuichi…I'm sorry I shouldn't have pried." Tatsuha's voice came softly against Ryuichi's ear. He stiffened and then sighed. Tatsuha was trying to break the tension here; he should make an effort too.

He had no idea why he was so mad…he had told himself that he'd tell Tatsuha about everything, but then he'd thought of doing it slowly. Tatsuha's question had caught him off guard…that wasn't the only reason…every time he looked into Tatsuha's eyes he saw all the doubt in them. It made him want to do something crazy…it hurt goddammit! Why was the idiot kid looking at him like that?

He gasped as Tatsuha kissed him. The boy's warm tongue assaulted his mouth again and again till he kissed back. He loved the way Tatsuha tasted; it was so intoxicating…he wished it could be forever. He was harshly jolted out of his thoughts as his mind went through a melt down….Tatsuha's knee was rubbing against his crotch. Ryuichi moaned softly, which encouraged the dark haired teen to replace his knee with his hand. His fingers wrapped around the singers cock, stroking, thumbing the slit, squeezing slightly. Ryuichi tried to hold on to the last shreds of sanity…he just wanted to slam the boy onto the bed and take him. Tatsuha started to stroke faster; soon Ryuichi was near the brink, his hands fisting the blankets, delicious sounds erupting from his throat.

Tatsuha didn't think he'd ever seen Ryuichi look that beautiful…his face was flushed and he was making lovely, sexy noises. Tatsuha felt the singers groin tighten and kissed him harshly, swallowing the man's scream as he came.

Lights went off in Ryuichi's head; he panted trying to get his breath back. That had been mind-blowing…(actually I know it wasn't that good, but then I didn't want to put in any lime here!). he opened his eyes and looked at Tatsuha…the boy smiled at him, but then all that doubt still lurked in the background.

As Tatsuha reached to kiss him, Ryuichi pushed him away angrily. "What the hell is going on?" his voice came out too harsh. Tatsuha flinched like he'd been hit.

"What do you mean, Ryuichi? Why are you so angry, I told you I was sorry…?" Tatsuha looked up at the singer in confusion.

Ryuichi glared at him. "I just want to know…what am I to you Tatsuha? Why are you doing this?"

Tatsuha gaped at him, what was Ryuichi to him? "I…" Ryuichi's eyes filled with hurt and anger.

"Am I just someone you can play with Tatsuha? The great Sakuma Ryuichi…your fucktoy? Why do you…" Ryuichi trailed off, not knowing how to put it all in words. Tatsuha stared at him shock.

"No…Ryuichi you're not a fucktoy. What made you think that? What's going on Ryuichi, please don't act like this! I…I like you Ryuichi…" Tatsuha tried to hug him.

"Then why do you doubt me? What do you doubt about me? Do you know how much it hurts, when you stare at me with all that doubt? I can see it you know I'm not as stupid as everyone thinks I am!" Ryuichi curled his fingers into fists.

Tatsuha looked at ground…how was he going to explain this one? "Ryuichi, I'm sorry I hurt you ok? It's just, I want to remember how I felt about you before…I need to know how I felt about you before. I've read all about it in my diary, but I don't have those fan boy feelings anymore…to me you're just an average person that I like a lot. But before you were a god…I need to know why…" at last Ryuichi let him slip his arms around him.

After a while, he snuck a glance at the singer. Ryuichi turned to him and smiled. "I'm sorry to Tatsuha-kun. I shouldn't be so harsh and pressurize you, you know…" the smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Please don't…"

Ryuichi almost didn't hear it. He looked up at Tatsuha with a frown. "What?"

"Please don't…don't wear your mask with me…I want you to trust me Ryuichi…don't ever do that again…" Tatsuha put his head against the singers back as he whispered.

Ryuichi turned and lifted Tatsuha's face to look into his eyes. He looked for a long moment before his mouth twisted into a crooked smile. He kissed him softly. "Fine then, Tatsuha…let me tell you why I wear this mask..."

He pulled Tatsuha onto his lap and buried his face in the dark hair. "I was born in a small village, a few miles away from Osaka. My mother was very weak after I was born…she wasn't supposed to have children you see, I was this mistake that she had made. A year or two after I was born, she died. my father hated me, he always blamed me for her death. I spent the next few years trying to make him love me, but he never did. Make no mistake I had all the material thing any one could wish…at least any villager could wish for. When I was eight years old, he left…

"I was made to stay with my grandmother…she hated me too, she hadn't wanted father to marry my mother, but he'd insisted, in that way I earned the grudge of both my father and grandmother. I cried for years Tatsuha-kun…six years of my existence had only been filled with tears. I used to wish he'd hit me or abused me, anything to show me that I existed. But when I was with my grandma I realized that crying was not an option…she used to love to see me cry, so maybe I just stopped so that she didn't have the pleasure. I decided that maybe if I did well in school, things would be alright. So I worked hard and was top of the class all the time…I was happy making everyone else laugh too, so I tried my best to be happy all the time.

"Then one day, when I was twelve my father came back home with a new wife. In those four years he was away he had married again, had kids and started a whole new family that I wasn't a part of. It hurt so bad…after everything I'd done…he'd cut me out of the family for good. My music teacher at the time was very impressed with the progress I was making. He decided to get me a scholarship, when I was sixteen. My grandma had died by then and I was living in this room at my father's house. No one in the family loved or noticed me. So the moment I was offered the scholarship, I took it and moved out. I trained hard and long…soon I met Tohma and Noriko. I had this happy mask you see, because people loved me better when I was always happy. By acting childish and idiotic, people laughed and I was acknowledged.

"Then when Nittle grasper made it big, I gained the acknowledgement I wanted…from everyone in the world except the one I craved it from the most. The mask helps me Tatsuha-kun…getting to know people only hurts you in the end. Better the world sees me like that and loves instead of seeing all my faults and imperfections. This way they think I have no weakness…they think I'm just a little eccentric and childish…that's ok…you know I like it in a way."

He stopped and waited for Tatsuha to speak. The teen reached backwards to ruffle his hair. "Baka Ryuichi…" Ryuichi looked a little surprised. The teen lay down pulling him down beside him. He cuddled up to the singer and yawned a little. "Just be yourself with me Ryu…you're not perfect…that's why I love you…"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: o.k. this was a little long, but I couldn't stop and if Ryu's explanation didn't make too much sense I'm sorry ok? Now me sleepy…so goodnight!

Taka


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: first off, I have to say that I got help for Ryuichi's past from a friend, Kairen…I have no idea if he registered at yet, so I do not know his id. I forgot to mention him last time, too sleepy to think you see. So this chappie is dedicated to him.

Chapter 10:

Ryuichi stared at the mirror. He made a few faces, trying to pick which one was cool. Then he started to practice. "Um…Tatsuha…lets go catch a movie somewhere shall we?" Ryuichi shook his head…no that was lame. He had to come up with a better way of asking Tatsuha on a date. He tried again. "Tatsuha….want to go on a date with me?" "Let's go out for dinner today…it's a date…"

His phone rang, interrupting him. He picked it up wondering who would be calling now. It was Noriko, asking him to get to the studio in five minutes. Tohma wanted them to finish recording the album today, so that it could be released next week. Ryuichi agreed and went to change. He pulled on a defining black t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. Then he went downstairs wondering which car to use. After that night when he'd told Tatsuha about his past, he'd moved back to his own house for a while. It had seemed a lot more convenient.

He decided on the sleek green jaguar convertible. Jumping in he drove to work. The moment he got there he was ushered into the recording room. Bad Luck was there too, they had decided o take half the day off just to watch him. He should have been flattered. Noriko began to argue with him about some trivial matter where he'd decided to change the tune a little. It was alright to do that, it didn't mess up her playing, but she was a feeling a little cranky, what with the baby on the way and all.

By the time he was done Ryuichi was tired and famished. Even Bad Luck had cleared out, he'd been working continuously on an empty stomach. And he still hadn't decided what to do about Tatsuha. He walked to the washroom to clean up a bit, before he left. The bathroom was nice and wide…this wasn't the normal one used by the employees, this was the one Tohma had set up for his best singers.

It had a room with a full length mirror, the cubicles lined the left of the wall and the washbasins were on the right, slightly hidden by the mirror room. Ryuichi started to wash his hands. He looked at himself in the mirror; no one could look that disheveled. He looked around, no one else was there…no one would be coming in because, Tohma had already left, so had Noriko.

Ryuichi cleared his throat. "Ok, Ryuichi, you can do this…it's going to be really easy…yeah give him that smile. Tatsuha…I've been thinking, we've spent a lot of time together, and uh done a lot of stuff together…" he blushed lightly at that glad no one wa there to see him. "So I was thinking we should go out on a date…officially." He stopped and sighed. _Ok that was good, but it was too long._ He wondered if he could _get_ all those words _out_.

"Sure, why not? I was waiting for you to ask me…"

Ryuichi looked at the mirror. It was just him. "Ok, Ryuichi, you're an old man now. You've lost it…you're hearing voices."

A soft chuckle was heard. Ryuichi could see Tatsuha stepping out of the shadows in the mirror. He whirled around going red. "Tatsuha! What … why ….how….?"

Tatsuha ran his hand through his dark hair. "Just thought I'd come to see you. Thought you might be in here, the receptionist said you hadn't left." He smiled. "God, that really wasn't what I thought you'd be saying…after all you have been avoiding me for a week."

Ryuichi flinched a little. "I'm sorry about that. I've been really busy, I wanted to get in touch…but…" a sweet pair of lips cut him off.

"It's ok, Ryu. I was just a little confused, but if I'd known that you were thinking of asking me on a date, I might have felt better." He kissed Ryuichi's neck softly. "So shall we go now? You look like you'd like to get some food…"

Ryuichi smiled softly. "Yeah, I guess now is as good a time as any. Let's go, Ta-kun." Walking away he tried not to remember Tatsuha's whispered _'I love you' _on the last night they'd spent together. He knew Tatsuha didn't remember and but then again, he didn't want to believe. He'd only believe it if all that doubt in the younger man's eyes had been cleared out.

☻

They chose a nice quiet café. Tatsuha claimed that this was his favorite place, they had karaoke! The good thing was not too many people came in here and Ryuichi could just be himself. Tatsuha asked him what he wanted. They got some pizza, Tatsuha assuring him that it was the best pizza he'd ever taste.

In the meanwhile Tatsuha asked Ryuichi if he wanted to sing karaoke. The green haired man raised an eyebrow. "Ta-kun, I've been singing all day…you think?"

But Tatsuha pouted. "Come one, just one song for me…what do you say? Pwease?" Ryuichi sighed; he didn't think anyone could refuse _that_ look.

He walked up to the stage and frowned at the list…since this was Tatsuha…he decided on the old favorite, sleepless beauty was the best choice, he'd sung it so many times after all. Glancing over at Tatsuha he realized he didn't want to sing the song robotically this time, it would mean something this time.

He started to move as the song began. The music began to take him over completely.

Tooku de me o hikarasete

Mezameru monotachi matte iru

Yoru no jouheki sasowarete

Usturisumu mure no nukegara ni

Tatsuha watched as Ryuichi opened his eyes and looked right at him. his breath quickened he'd never seen Ryuichi look at intense before. His heart sped up a little as the singer sang right to him. His head began buzzing as he got lost in the singer's gaze.

Umarekawareru anata yo hitori

Hohoemanaide hitomi o irodoru

Nozonda sekai ga totsuzen hai ni

Natte mo kiseki ni mada

Meguriaeru

Tatsuha stopped listening somewhere in the middle of the song. Something was irritating him at the back of his mind. Frowning slightly he gave in, suddenly images of Ryuichi smiling from the screen, Ryuichi stripping on the encore song, Ryuichi's gaze on the screen, Tatsuha jumping wildly at the concert, Ryuichi with Shuichi on hit stage, Ryuichi singing shining collection at the Tokyo bay, merged with the memories of Ryuichi's concerned face when they had first met, Ryuichi jumping in to save him, his hurt and angry look last week, his face when he talked about his past, his silly mask, his Kumagoroo obsession, Ryuichi telling him everything was going to be fine…just Ryuichi…

Tatsuha opened his eyes in time to see the man finish off …just Sakuma Ryuichi…his god…his love…his world. Ryuichi finished, staying in that position for a moment. Then he straightened smiled at the people clapping and walked back towards Tatsuha.

"Ta-kun, I've never felt better in my life! Oh I see he pizza's here…why aren't you delving into it already?" Ryuichi slipped into his seat and gave the boy a grin.

Tatsuha smiled and picked up a slice of pizza. "That was amazing! I've never seen you sing like that since I…god that was awesome!"

Ryuichi winked at him. "I was trying my hardest to run some on!"

Tatsuha blushed and mumbled something. Ryuichi leaned forward. "I can't hear you Ta-kun." He said in a sing song voice.

"I said it might've worked." Tatsuha went even redder.

Ryuichi laughed. Tatsuha closed his eyes. He loved the sound of Ryuichi genuinely laughing, no pretences. They walked back to Ryuichi's apartment as fast as they could.

As soon as they made it in, Ryuichi pushed Tatsuha against the wall and began kissing him. Tatsuha kissed back with equal passion. Ryuichi suddenly stopped. "Maybe we should go upstairs first."

Tatsuha agreed and they went in. Tatsuha had never seen Ryuichi home before. He looked around at all th pictures and videos. "Gosh, I can't believe I have everything you have! I must have bugged the hell out of Tohma to get them! Did I tell you how awesome you were today? God, I almost fainted when you looked at me like that!"

Ryuichi looked up with a frown. "What happened there that you aren't telling me about Tatsuha?"

Tatsuha looked at him a little surprised, wondering how to phrase it. he had got all his memories back and it had made him realize just how much he loved Ryuichi…Ryuichi the god, he singer, the lover and most importantly the man. It scared him.

Ryuichi was by him in a minute. "Ta-kun, what's wrong? Why are you looking at me like that? What happened?"

Tatsuha kissed him softly. "Why do you ask Ryu?"

"Because you're suddenly acting like a fan boy…it's weird, you've been so aloof these last few weeks and now it's like you'd dance with glee because I sang to you…it's almost like your memories are back …" he caught the look in Tatsuha's eyes and leaned forward his eyes wide. "Are they Tatsuha?"

Tatsuha gulped. "Yes, my memories are back…completely…"

Ryuichi smiled a little and then grimaced. "Is there a but, in there? Or an and? Why are you looking so scared?"

Tatsuha looked away. "And…I…realized that I…I'm head over heals in love with you…."

--------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: ok I have to stop here! Got tons of work! Ja ne!

Taka


End file.
